Back after a few months, I am writing through “The Writer’s Idea Book” by Jack Heffron.
Get your copy of his book here and join me.
“The writer can only explore the inner space of his characters by perceptively navigating his own.” – Peter Devries
What do you think of this quote? It is certainly something to think about. Personally, I’m just not sure. On one hand, I do think it is important to understand who you are, as well as have empathy for others in different walks of life than you. But where I hesitate to agree with Peter Devries, is usually when books/ therapists/ friends/ whomever want you to navigate your own inner space, it means digging through your past, the way you were raised, your traumas to figure out why you are the way you are. That is uncomfortable, to say the least and I’m not really sure how necessary it is to write a compelling story.
However, since this chapter is about rediscovering who “I Yam”, let’s dive in.
Prompt: List the top ten experiences of your life – top meaning significant. Wondrous. Glorious. Terrible. Illuminating. Demoralizing. Jubilant. Ten, of course, is an arbitrary number. But start there. Think about it for a moment, letting your mind roam free, keeping you pen on the page. There’s no penalty for going beyond ten, but if you do, cut to ten when you review the list. Stop reading now and make your list.
- Salvation at the age of 11.
- My relationship with my mom/ my family.
- Falling in love with BKB. Choosing to love him. Choosing to wait for him.
- Losing my best friend… twice. The rejection and the loneliness from that hurt all of my relationships.
- Becoming a mother. The most joyous and the most difficult thing ever.
- My second born. My heart grew that day.
- Being a girl-mom. I feared being a mom to a girl, but loving my girls, and being loved by them is the most natural thing ever.
- My breakthrough in my discipleship group. I began to see myself properly and how the way I was “protecting myself” was hurting everyone I loved.
- The day my husband left me.
- The day he came back.
Prompt: Brainstorm a new list of ten events.
- Working at Youth for Christ.
- Going to Crest Bible Church.
- Going to Grace Church.
- Weekends with my cousin.
- Hanging out with my friends in my early 20s.
- My back pain.
- Breastfeeding my babies.
- Writing Penny to Purpose.
- Writing The Footsteps of the Five.
- Having the confidence now to begin promoting myself.
Prompt: From your list, pick one. Don’t think about it for long. Choose the first one that pops into your head. Or, if you want, discard the first one and choose another. The second one is often better. Explore it in a piece of writing by recounting the event in a narrative – first this happened, then this, then this, etc. Take your time and put yourself into that place and time. Relax and allow the memories to trickle into your mind. You’ll be surprised by what you remember. After you’ve finished telling the story, write a few paragraphs about why this was a significant moment, or better, how it was significant. What did it mean to you? How did it change you? What does its significance say about you?
I had a best friend. She was a magnet that drew everyone to her, and I was one of those people. She had a positive, energetic personality and a love for Jesus that made me want to be a better person. She was a joy to be around.
After I got married, I began to see that she was a little of a “love the one you’re with” type of person. When you’re with her, she loves you, but when you aren’t around, you are easily forgotten.
I called her, visited her, tried to get together multiple times over the next two years… but she didn’t call me back, almost always backed out of plans, and made a new best friend. After a while, I had to try and move on. There’s only so much rejection one can take, even from their “best friend” before it becomes unbearable.
One day I just stopped calling. Not the most mature thing to do, but I was in my early twenties, and I’d just had my first-born baby, so that is what I did. Eight months later she e-mailed me asking what the deal was.
When you go from being roommates, co-workers, church friends, talking several times a day and even going to each other’s family events, to nothing almost overnight, and then to finally give up trying to keep your friend in your life… to have her notice only after eight months of silence – that was heartbreaking.
But she was going through her own hard stuff at the time, and I was growing up a little, so very slowly and very minimally (like only over social media), we accepted each other into our lives again.
Years later, her life had taken a turn for the better, mine a little for the worse, I decided to move my family to her church. And just like that, we were best friends again. Our kids became friends. We did life together.
For a few years.
I don’t really know what happened the second time. She was different after a while. She got offended about something I blogged about, and instead of talking it out with me, she ghosted me. She never even came back to our church.
It was easier to let her go the second time. I miss her still, but it doesn’t hurt as much. There were many things I know I could have done differently. I only recently began to wonder if when I got married, she may have felt a little abandoned by me. And I could have reached out to her after that blog, to clarify that I didn’t mean what she thought and to apologize… but at the time I just didn’t have the capacity.
Why this is so significant for me is, for years and years I have felt abandoned and rejected by the main people in my life, her being one of them. It shaped me in a bad way. I began to protect myself by rejecting people before they could reject me. It hurt my marriage. It left me lonely. I was depressed.
I have been so blessed to know a loving God, who has recently helped me overcome these fears and insecurities. I pray that it’s not too late.
There are many more prompts in chapter five for you to explore, but I’m going to stop right here. I’d love to hear from you; what do you think of all this self-reflecting? Do you enjoy it? Is it unbearable? I still am not sure. I just want to write.
Check out my novel, The Footsteps of the Five; the Narratives of the Women Killed by Jack the Ripper.